Relational Matters

Love, Intimacy, Sexuality and Dating

Here are some resources to help you get started:

Picture1 Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He’ll Change
by Robin Norwood
. Many women find themselves repeatedly drawn into unhappy and destructive relationships with men. They then struggle to make these doomed relationships work. This bestselling relationship self-help book investigates and reveals how powerfully addictive these unhealthy relationships are – but also gives a very specific programme for recovery from the disease of loving too much, a problem that plagues women everywhere. (Publisher’s summary) Picture2

The New Codependency by Melody Beattie. Beattie here reminds us that much of codependency is normal behavior. It’s about crossing lines. There are times we do too much, care too much, feel too little, or overly engage. Feeling resentment after giving is not the same as heartfelt generosity. Narcissism and self-love, enabling and nurturing, and controlling and setting boundaries are not interchangeable terms. In The New Codependency, Beattie explores these differences, effectively invoking her own inspiring story and those of others, to empower us to step out of the victim role forever. Codependency, she shows, is not an illness but rather a series of behaviours that once broken down and analyzed can be successfully combated. (Publisher’s summary).


Stan Tatkin’s work on attachment style is interesting, informative, science-based yet accessible to any of us interesting in meaningful connections with others.


Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship by Stan Tatkin. …a complete insider’s guide to understanding your partner’s brain and enjoying a romantic relationship built on love and trust. Synthesizing research findings on how and why love lasts drawn from neuroscience, attachment theory, and emotion regulation, this book presents ten guiding principles that can improve any relationship. (Publisher’s summary)


Empowerment Radio 016: Wired for Love with Dr. Stan Tatkin
An interview with Tatkin about the ‘battlefield’ of love (YouTube, about 50mins) Picture4

Hold Me Tight: Your Guide to the Most Successful Approach to Building Loving Relationships by Sue Johnson. Through case studies from her practice, illuminating advice and practical exercises, couples will learn how to nurture their relationships and ensure a lifetime of love. (Publisher’s summary)


Talk to Me Like I’m Someone You Love: Relationship Repair in a Flash, Revised Edition by Nancy Dreyfus. An interactive relationship tool that can help couples stop arguing and begin healing. Couples therapist Nancy Dreyfus hit upon this revolutionary practice during a particularly angry couples-therapy session in which a wife’s unrelenting criticism of her husband was making him more and more emotionally withdrawn. Suddenly, Dreyfus found herself scribbling on a scrap of paper, ‘Talk to me like I’m someone you love,’ and gesturing to the husband that he should hold it up. He did, and within seconds, the familiar power differential between the two shifted, and a gentler, more genuine connection emerged. This revised edition features two new sections—one on making love and another on deepening trust—containing over 25 new ‘Flash Cards for Real Life,’ written statements that hold the power to express what we wish we could say to the person we love but for which we can’t find either the right words or the right tone in which to say them. Each of the statements in this book is accompanied by ‘field notes’ from the author that explain when, why, and how to use the statement, as well as real-life stories from the author’s practice. (Publisher’s summary)


Attached: the new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find–and keep– love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. Discover how an understanding of adult attachment—the most advanced relationship science in existence today—can help us find and sustain love. (Publisher’s summary)


Esther Perel is a psychotherapist who focuses on helping people develop safe, secure and fulfilling relationships. She specialises in helping people overcome infidelity.

Rethinking infidelity – Esther Perel  (TED Talk, about 20mins) for anyone who has ever cheated or been cheated on, or who simply wants a new framework for understanding relationships.

TED Talks: The Science of Love by John Gottman (TED Talk, about 28 minutes). John Gottman speaks about how his scientific research has now created a new understanding of all love relationships (heterosexual and same-sex), across the entire life span. He describes the new LOVE EQUATIONS, and the magic trio of calm, trust, and commitment. For more, visit The Gottman Institute at

The Libido Gap by Rachel Corbett, Samantha X & Dr Lauren Rosewarne. Hosts Rachel Corbett, Samantha X and Dr Lauren Rosewarne provide an entertaining and informative discussion of one of those questions you always wanted to ask but…